Don't Let's Get Caught
by Smapdi
Summary: One shot, AU, set in a vague period of time, let's say after Wedding Crushers, and none of the subsequent events happened. Danny and Mindy in a closet! Fluff, friskiness.


"I knew I'd find you in here. You are such a party pooper."

Danny was staring out the window, looking bored as he surveyed the lights that illuminated the dark New York City night. He glanced in Mindy's direction and gave a non-committal shrug.

"Did you at least find anything interesting while you were snooping around?" She grinned as she joined him at the window.

"This is the last place I'd snoop. There's no telling what I'd find. Besides, I'm sure you could fill me in if I wanted, which I do not." He moved slightly to the side to allow Mindy to share the view, only allowing a tiny smile to grace his lips.

"Ex-squeeze me? I've never been in here before!" Mindy gave him an indignant look.

Danny raised his eyebrows and gave her a side glance. "Really? This isn't the scene of the crime?"

"We aren't talking about that. Why did you come in here, anyway?" She crossed her arms, one just slightly brushing against Danny's sleeve, causing tiny goose bumps to bloom across her skin. She was wearing a typical Mindy party outfit, tight and sparkly, just enough décolletage to be flirty, and it had gotten her absolutely nowhere. Danny's jacket was the most action she had gotten all night.

Danny's gaze slid across her skin, lingering for a little longer on her cleavage than was proper, and he crossed his arms too as he caught himself staring.

"I was tired of those people." He waved a hand towards the door. "Jeremy's friends are... they're terrible."

"You're just being anti social. You really should enjoy this party, it might be the last one you go to before you move into that retirement home." She paused for effect. "Because you're ninety, Danny."

"Ha ha. So I don't feel like making small talk with smaller minds." He smiled to himself at his offhand cleverness.

"Oh Danny. Would you rather be at home, reading a book?" She teased him in her sing song voice, reaching her hand to touch his face. He flinched, grimacing and leaning away.

"Yes, I would! One single book has more substance than the whole crowd out there."

"Really, Danny? Even if that book is 50 Shades of Grey?" Mindy put her hands on her hips, slightly miffed that her invasion of his personal space had been deflected.

"I don't know what that is." He grumbled, but he wouldn't meet her eyes and she knew he actually did know. She giggled at his discomfort.

"I can't believe you're having a good time here. Everyone out there is either a model, some bimbo he's slept with, or someone from the office. Or a combination..." He glanced back at her again with a smirk.

"That is unbelievably rude, Danny, but I will choose to stop listening after the word 'model' and take it as a compliment." Mindy replied haughtily.

"Still, what's the appeal? There aren't even any... hot guys... for you to sink your claws into." Danny goaded her again. Her over the top reactions used to annoy him, but now, there was something strangely appealing about watching her get her nose out of joint.

"There are lots of hot guys out there. I was talking to Andre and Kyle, I mean, I was talking to Betsy but I was near them, and they are definitely hot and single."

Danny snorted. "Yeah, I met those two. You think they're hot, eh? Did they even give you the slightest glance?"

Mindy frowned, a hurt look crossing her face. Danny back pedaled. "You're not their... type. You know?"

She looked even more aghast. "Rude." She whispered. "So I'm not a waif model, that doesn't mean..."

He shook his head. "It's not a slam, Min. I just don't know how you're that oblivious." He ran his hand through his hair. "_I'm_ their type."

"Oh..." Mindy brightened up again. "They did have awfully nice shoes. Did they hit on you, Danny?"

"No! I mean, if they did, I wouldn't be mad. I'm just probably not really their type, I was just trying to be... subtle." He shrugged.

"They rejected us both, then. Poor us, just a couple of unlovable losers, hiding in the bedroom to avoid social interaction. We are going to die alone, Danny." Mindy leaned forward to rest her forehead against the cool glass of the window.

Danny rolled his eyes. "Who are you hiding from?"

"Oh, nobody." Mindy turned back to him, smiling. "I just knew I'd find you in here."

A smile played across Danny's lips. "So you'd rather hang out with this unlovable loser than all those cool kids out there?"

She ducked her head and shrugged. "They're kinda boring."

He laughed out loud this time. "I thought _I_ was boring?"

"You are." She looked up at him under her lashes. "But it's a familiar kind of boring."

Danny gazed down at her, feeling a sudden tightening in his chest. They stood there for a moment and he was just about to reach out, just to touch her arm, something harmless. But then there was a loud thump at the door, the kind an intoxicated person makes when they slam into something, followed by a loud grunt.

"Oh shit!" Mindy squealed. Panicking, she grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the closet. "Get in! We have to hide!"

Danny obediently opened the door and she pulled him inside. "Wait. Why are doing this?"

"We don't want him to catch us!" Mindy whispered as she closed the closet behind them. It was almost completely dark, only the slightest bit of light coming in from the slats.

"We aren't doing anything!" Danny said in a strangled voice as he felt Mindy's hip pressing against him most inappropriately.

"Shhhh!" Mindy hushed him, loudly, as the bedroom door opened and they heard the slow, seductive drawl of Jeremy's voice.

"Here we are, my tasty little crumpet." The sound of a slow jam began to play, setting the mood. "You are so flaky and delicious."

"Is he talking to a woman, or a pastry?" Danny whispered. The high pitched giggle coming from the bedroom confirmed that Jeremy was not alone. "Oh God, Mindy. Why are we in here? Now we're going to have to stay _till they're done._"

"Would you be quiet, Danny?" Mindy jabbed her elbow into his ribs.

He would not. "How long is it gonna take?"

"How should I know, you idiot?" She turned to glare at him, hoping that her steely gaze would be visible even in the dim light.

"Um, I'd think you would know... you know." Danny felt himself starting to perspire, trapped between a wall of finely tailored suits and the soft curves of Mindy's body. He pressed himself further against the wall but somehow she moved with him in order to whisper yell at him.

"That is rude. I told you we weren't going to talk about that." She found his arm in the dark and pinched it.

"Ow! Knock it off." Danny grabbed for her hand in the darkness, meaning to just push it away, but found his fingers closing over her wrist instead. He could feel her warm breath against his neck, as her ridiculously high heels made her closer to his height, and he released her arm to wipe his damp brow.

All the while, various noises were coming from the other side of the door. Danny slumped against the side of the closet, feeling as if he had finally reached maximum discomfort, so at least it couldn't get any worse.

That was when Jeremy's voice suddenly sounded closer.

"I think I have just the thing, love." They saw the shadow of his body approaching, and Mindy turned in horror and threw herself at Danny, squeezing them both as far to the side as possible. The door opened and Danny could see Jeremy's arm as he picked through the hangers, looking for something. "Where is it..."

Mindy had pressed herself as tightly as possible against him and they were both holding their breath. Her arms were around his waist, her face snugly against his neck and her chest flattened against his, which was mostly the reason why he couldn't breathe. She finally exhaled and the heat spread over his skin. He shut his eyes.

"There it is!"

Danny opened one eye to see that Jeremy had found what looked like riding pants and a crop. The door then closed, not quite all the way, giving them a little more visibility. He took a deep breath and all he could smell was Mindy - her softly floral scented hair and the slightly muskier scent of her skin. She was still snug against him and it was causing very obvious reactions, which he tried to make less obvious by pressing his back to the wall.

"Danny." She whispered. He didn't respond, because he was trying to get his heart rate, among other things, under control. "Danny. Your hand."

"What?"

"Your hand. It's on my ass."

Danny realized, in the moment of panic where they were nearly discovered hiding for no damned reason, he had grabbed on to the nearest solid object. That just happened to be Mindy. His other hand was on her waist.

"Oh." He involuntarily squeezed.

"Danny!" Mindy's whisper increased in pitch.

"Sorry. Sorry." He muttered.

"So... are you planning to take it off, Danny?" Her lips brushed his ear. Why the hell hadn't she moved back off him? They didn't need to be so close when the door was closed.

"Where should I put it?" He stammered, his hand still firmly cupping her ass.

"I don't care!" She still had her arms wrapped around his waist, hands spread across his lower back.

"Well if you don't care, why should I move it?" He realized he was grinning when his cheeks felt tight. He pulled her a little closer against him.

"Danny!" She gasped. "What the hell?"

"Okay, sorry. Geez." He took his hand from her rear and braced himself against the back wall of the closet with it.

"Not that." She hissed. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Is what what you think it is?" Danny was slightly distracted by the noises coming from outside the door, which were a combination of giggles, moans, and whacks.

"That!" Mindy pulled slightly back. "Mr. Happy!"

Danny pushed her away from him. "What? No. No! Get off me."

She sucked in a loud breath. "Oh my GOD, Danny. Are you getting off on listening to them? That is SO gross!"

"NO!" He whispered loudly. He could feel the heat of embarrassment burning his face. Mindy still had her hands at his waist.

"Then... " She paused and he could feel her looking at him even though it was too dark to see. Her fingers curled in the material of his jacket and she pulled him towards her. He swallowed hard, feeling his pulse racing as his hips aligned with hers. "Then it's me?" She whispered against his neck with such hopefulness that Danny couldn't hold back.

He exhaled with a shudder and slipped his hand to her chin, tilting her face up. His lips found hers in the dark and she responded eagerly, opening her mouth and running her tongue over his bottom lip. Danny grasped her waist and turned her so her body was against the wall, pressing himself against her and eliciting a tiny squeal.

Mindy wrapped her arms around his neck, digging her hands into his hair, tugging at his mouth before he pulled free and ran kissed down her throat to her collarbone. He ran his hands down her hips and hiked a leg up onto his hip so he could press himself more firmly against her. He could feel the vibrations of her moan down into his own chest.

He reached down to her ass to hike Mindy's other leg up, her skirt riding up almost to her waist, and she felt herself starting to slip. She flailed one arm out for purchase and hit the wall, which led to a rattle on the shelf above and a box tumbled to the floor with a crash. They both froze.

"What the bloody hell?" The door flung open and they both turned their heads to see Jeremy standing there, his mouth open, pants around his ankles, but fortunately he was somewhat covered by his dress shirt. A smile spread over Jeremy's face when he saw them.

"What is it, baby?" The feminine voice from the bed called out.

"It's nothing, just a box that fell down." He winked at the pair. "Carry on." He whispered.

"Holy shit." Mindy gasped. "I knew we were gonna get caught."

"We wouldn't have gotten caught if you hadn't dragged us in here in the first place!"

"Well, if I hadn't dragged you in here, buddy, would you have your hands on my ass right now? Never mind your _other parts._" Mindy accented her speech with a little hip thrust.

"You have a point. But stop, he knows we're in here!" Danny pushed her leg off his hip and smoothed down her skirt.

"He said carry on!" Mindy whined.

"Well, I'm not carrying anything on with him right outside the door." Danny removed her arms from his neck and held them at her sides.

"It's not stopping him!"

"Yeah, he's disgusting." Danny shuddered. His hands found Mindy's and he laced his fingers with hers. "Look, as soon as he's done... and I pray it's soon... we can get out of here."

"Out of the closet?" Mindy giggled. "Or out of the party?"

"The closet, the party, hell, out of the city of we have to." He leaned forward, finding her lips again. "I need to get that image of pantsless Jeremy out of my head."

"I think I know a way to do that..." Mindy muttered. "Do you or don't you have a riding crop? I just need to know, for reasons..."

Seven painful minutes later, Jeremy gave the all clear and they escaped the closet, made a swift exit from the party, and headed into the cool night air.

No riding crop was needed.


End file.
